


I’ll never get used to you.

by Klancevoltronfic



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brief mention of other paladins - Freeform, Comfort, Fluff I guess, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Touch-Starved Keith (Voltron), klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24170107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klancevoltronfic/pseuds/Klancevoltronfic
Summary: Keith is touched starved but avoids it at all costs.Lance is just being himself.Keith will never get used to him.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 299





	I’ll never get used to you.

“ _ **Get used to it**. Nobody will love you, so it’s the only way to survive.”_

Keith has told himself this many times. It was the only way he could be able to live with himself without constantly wanting to end his existence.

Avoiding touch was the only way to avoid kicking himself when he’s already down because

“ _Let’s face it, **you’re never going to be touched** that way.”_

He would sell his soul if he could forget all the scars and raised lines he endured from the various foster families who seemed to hate him more than he already hated himself.

Even when Shiro came into the picture, it took him months to not flinch at the slightest contact, and even when he didn’t, his friendly gestures weren’t enough to neither fix Keith’s heart, nor give him reason to allow more affection in his life. His mindset was set in stone.

Even if he wanted to, he was so emotionally and physically underdeveloped that he couldn’t even begin to ever imagine doing something as simple as touch hands with someone in his lifetime.

If there was an award for the most socially awkward person to have ever lived, Keith would be the winner- hands down. He avoided touch like it was a sport. 

_Still,_ being human (and especially being half Galra), it was always extremely difficult to stop craving touch from others. This burning need inside of him has become even more prominent ever since he became a paladin of Voltron and is suddenly surrounded by all these people his age who actually know how to feel.

Every time he saw the others touching and hugging after a good mission or during family hangout sessions, he just stood in the corner with his arms crossed wondering why he had been cursed with a bad past and social deprivation.

What hurt the most was having to see his crush ( none other than Lance McClain- the definition of social ) being affectionate with everyone _but_ him. Of course he could have initiated something, but he didn’t know how. His inexperience plus the thought that _Lance probably doesn’t want to touch my disgusting self anyways_ just led him to avoid all hope of getting some of that affection for himself. 

_It’s **hopeless.**_

Even the blanket he sleeps under can’t cover the void in his chest or warm his skin.

☻︎ ☻︎ ☻︎

One particular night, the group decided to have one of those family gatherings that Keith loves and dreaded at the same time. Pidge had found some obscure Altean board game somewhere in the castle and had been insisting on playing it the whole week.

Naturally while they were playing, all Keith could notice was the touches they gave to eachother.

Whenever somebody won, they would give each other high fives. Whenever they made fun of each other they jokingly punched arms and pinched sides. To avoid this, Keith was losing on purpose.

  
They noticed.

~~  
They~~ _Lance_ noticed.

  
  
Of course he couldn’t help but to take a jab at him.

”Hey dude, you lost like 8 times in a row.”

  
No response from Keith.

  
”Heyyy Earth to Keith, we’re supposed to be spending quality time together you know.”

  
Lance went to poke him on the shoulder. A friendly gesture... a threat to Keith.   
  


  
Keith flinched... _badly._

  
His hand flew in defense and before he could take control of his reaction, the board game was violently knocked to the ground and all the pieces were scattered over the floor. All he could do was stare at Lances confused eyes as the whole room went silent.

He could hear Pidge whisper something along the lines of “ _Geez, somebody’s a little angrier than usual.”_

Lance slowly retracted his hand that seemed to be frozen in shock from the outburst, and looked down with what Keith could only describe as the most hurt expression he’s ever seen on somebody with such a chronically happy presence.   
  


Translation: _Keith realized he fucked up, and felt like absolute shit._

“ I... uh... sorry- I was being clumsy. I... maybe I’ll just go train it off...”

  
Keith stumbled on an explanation as he quickly got up from the couch and avoided eye contact with everyone. He bashed himself all the way to the training room.

_  
What was I thinking???_

_  
  
Am I such a loser that I can’t even handle a poke in the shoulder??_

_They’re the closest thing to a real family I’ve ever had and I just blew it!!!_

_  
Im such an **idiot.**_

_  
**I made Lance feel bad...** _

_  
please touch me._

He hoped that training would at least calm down the thoughts in his mind about what just happened, but he only managed to make his body feel just as tired as his brain.

When he was finally done fighting off the rest of his jitters (or at least trying to), he went back to his quarters to take a shower.

That _really_ aggravated his need for touch.

He stood under the hot water for who knows how long, just feeling it tingle against his skin- wishing that it was warmth coming from some _one_ and not some _thing_.

  
He always imagined it.

He tried not to, but he did.

  
He imagined how it would feel if Lance was the one making his body feel warm like the water did. How Lance’s smooth hands would feel on his body.

Not in a sexual way of course ~~although he imagined that sometimes too~~ , but in a way that could make Keith feel safe and loved- and not like the monster he feels he is.

_Maybe he had that chance during game night. **  
**_

_**Maybe he blew it.** _

  
He felt no better after his shower and just opted for going straight to sleep. He hugged his pillow as he wished to feel anything but desperate for touch

  
  


☻︎ ☻︎ ☻︎  
  


The next morning, luck must’ve been on Keith’s side. Nobody talked about what happened and they all seemed to be carrying on as usual, well... until they were all done training.

This time, when everybody shared high fives and Keith stood in his usual corner- everybody left... except Lance.

Keith panicked as he walked towards him. He backed away a little, trying to keep his distance while simultaneously wanting to catapult himself into Lance’s arms and never let go.

Keith willed his body not to flinch as Lance got within arm’s width distance in front of him. He was expecting Lance to bring up the incident from game night, but to Keith’s surprise, Lance lifted up his hand in what Keith suspected as an invitation to a high five.

Lance seemed to disregard Keith’s obvious nervousness and smiled with that habitual cock of his head that Keith adored.

  
”Good job out there Keith! You beat me a lot today.”

  
Keith rose his hand slowly forgetting his self doubt, but he quickly caught himself and lowered his hand back to his side while looking down.

  
”Uhhh... thanks. I should probably get going ‘cause we worked pretty hard today. We should um... get some rest, so uh... bye.”

Lance opened his mouth to say something, but Keith was already making his way towards the door. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_

_I messed up **again**_

He immediately went to take a shower, but it was cold.

He didn’t _mean_ to keep making Lance feel bad. He just wanted...

_Ughhh_

He needed...

  
He knew what he needed, but he was also scared. What if he had touched Lance and hurt him? What if Lance thought he was gross?? What if Lance hit him?? What if he liked it, but Lance never touched him again??? What if Lance left him...

He just didn’t know what to do. After his shower, he was contemplating not going to dinner just to avoid Lance altogether, but he was hungry, and he knew that one of them would eventually come tell him the food is ready anyways so it would be no use.

Dinner was awkward.

Lance was staring daggers at Keith while they both picked at their food goo, and everyone could feel the tension.  
  


Finally Shiro piped up, ”Ahem... so, who wants to pick our next activity? Hunk, you have some ideas?”

He was just trying to make some conversation, but it did nothing to calm the mood of the room.

Keith made a little noise in the back of his throat before quickly exclaiming-

  
”If you’ll excuse me, I’m feeling a little tired after today, so I’m not that hungry. Thanks for the food though Hunk.”

  
At that, Keith left the table and disappeared into the hallway.

  
”Yeah, I should get some rest too, thanks Hunk.”

Lance also made haste and went into the same hall as Keith.

”Uh... you’re welcome?” Hunk said, just as confused as the rest of the team

☻︎ ☻︎ ☻︎  
  


“ _ **Keith!**_ ”

_Oh no..._

Just as Keith was about to enter his room, he slowly turned around as he heard his name, unable to resist the person he knew who was speaking it.

Sure enough, none other than Lance McClain himself was jogging up behind Keith at an exponential rate. Keith was pinned between the wall and a hard place.

Just like before at the training deck, Lance stopped when he was at about arm’s length away from Keith. Even so, Keith could smell the intoxicating scent of whatever Lance uses to shower and he was trying so _hard_ not to let it drag him in.

Lance took a second to catch his breath and they stared at each other in silence for a moment before Lance spoke up.

**_Oh no, he definitely hates me now..._ **

” _Keith..._ ”

_**Here it** _ **comes...**

” _Do... you hate me?”_

**_Wait..._ ** _**what?!?**_

”Wha- what?? No, of course not! Why would- _“_

_”Then why won’t you touch me?”_

Lance looked down with that hurt expression again and self consciously rubbed his hands together while waiting patiently for an answer. _He was going to be the death of Keith._

Keith stood there silent- at a loss of words. How was he supposed to tell the love of his life the most embarrassing and stupid thing about him without ruining the friendship they barely had???

  
”I... Lance...-“

Lance interjected- ”You know I don’t like- hate you right? I know we always bicker, but I thought it was just... I don’t know, playful banter? If it makes you mad, I won’t-“

” _ **Lance.**_ ”

” _Lance..._ I don’t hate you, and I’m not mad about that. I just...” Keith wanted to say it but it wasn’t coming out. He needed...

”You just _what_ Keith? You hate touching people?”

”No... I...”

”What is it then?... Just tell me Keith, I’m not going to hurt you or something, I’m worried about you. Why do you always-”

_“ **NobodyevertouchesmesoIjustavoiditandIreallywantyoutotouchmebutImscared.”**_

_  
  
  
_Oh.

_Oh._

At this outburst Lance went silent, and for a minute Keith thought it was over for him. To his surprise though, he felt Lance get a little closer. No longer were they arms length apart- more like hand distance, and Keith could suddenly feel the heat radiating from the boy in front of him.

Lance slowly reached his hand out towards Keith’s crossed arms. Keith didn’t flinch, but he was visibly shaking- almost as if he was on the verge of tears. Lance didn’t want to startle Keith anymore so he took it slow now that he realized what the problem was.

” _Keith... you want me to touch you?”_

All Keith could do was nod his head- too mortified to even look Lance in the eye.  
  


Lance took this as an invitation and proceeded to gently bring his hand forward until it met Keith’s skin. Keith _melted._

A low whine escaped from the back of his throat, but he didn’t even bother to cover it up. Lance was barely doing anything-yet Keith was already dying at how _good_ it felt.

After literal _years_ of having zero to no intimate human contact- or really none in general, Keith’s just didn’t know how to react to the sudden change. How to react to Lance’s gentleness.

Lance gazed at Keith who could only look at the ground. He tried his hardest not to explode on the spot, and continued to spread his palm against his forearm- massaging little circles into it at a slow pace. Keith leaned into his hand.

_  
  
”Keith.... look at me, has no one really ever touched you before?”  
_

  
Lance raised his hand higher to Keith’s shoulder and continued his soothing ministrations as Keith looked up with dazed eyes.

” _Mmm no.......just don’t....stop please...”_

  
Keith couldn’t even form a sentence, he just wanted to make this feeling last forever. All he could do was make little noises of satisfaction as Lance moved up to run his fingers through his hair.

They carried on like that for a long time and ended up on the floor with Lance’s arm wrapped around Keith’s shoulder- his hand still carding through Keith’s hair. It was silent for a long time until Keith spoke up.

  
”...Sorry I know it’s weird and stupid, but I’m just not used to being touched like this. I never really thought it could happen anyways.... my past foster families weren’t exactly the nicest, and me and Shiro were never that affectionate. I just... I didn’t want to be hurt by you in the same way, but I probably ended up hurting _you_ instead. I-“  
  


”It’s not stupid Keith. And I understand now, so don’t worry about hurting me. Touch is something everybody needs, and that’s not something you should be scared of, or ashamed of. Especially around the team... and around me. I would _never_ hurt you. I care about you Keith.”

  
Keith just closed his eyes and relaxed more under Lances hand. “Okay.”

Lance looked down at Keith and pulled him in even closer. It broke his heart to know that Keith had been living deprived of something so necessary for so long. He wanted nothing more than to make sure Keith got what he deserved.  
  


He noticed. He always did. He noticed when Keith would stand in the corner, or when Keith would deny being cold even when he was obviously shivering. He just never even thought it could be because of something as sad as to have never been touched for so long that he gave up hope of being touched at all.   
  


It was when he saw Keith was asleep that he carried him back to his bed. Before he left, He bent down and left a soft kiss on his cheek.

  
”Don’t worry, **_I’ll make sure you get used to it._** ”

☻︎ ☻︎ ☻︎

The next few days were heaven on Earth for Keith. Lance was like an angel that finally appeared to lead him down the right path. Instead of being left to brood in the corner during team activities, Lance always took him by the wrist *quite literally* and tried to involve him in the interactions he had with the rest of the team.

Obviously he did it slowly as to not completely startle Keith. The first couple of times, he would stay behind and give Keith his own praise and high fives so he never felt left out. Gradually (with Keith’s permission of course) he let himself be dragged out to do the same with the rest of the team.

They were surprised because this wasn’t typical Keith behavior, but they were very happy to include him. Keith never felt any better. Especially because for most of his life, he felt like it would only get worse.

The best part of it all was the increased physical contact with Lance. Even if it was just baby steps- it meant the whole world to Keith.

The littlest touches made his heart flutter. He would be sitting on the couch or talking with the team and Lance would just casually hold his hand or start playing with his hair. He could never get enough of those slender fingers. Especially when they rubbed circles on his back or rested on his lap.

**but...**

Just when Keith thought he was getting used to it, Lance- as usual, never ceased to amaze him.

One day, after a particularly hard mission, Keith stepped out of his lion to witness a blur from the left corner of his eye. He turned 45 degrees to see Lance barreling towards him.

He’s sure he’d seen this is movies.

You know- that cheesy romance thing where the couple runs toward each other after being away for a long time. Except Lance was the one running, and Keith just stood there unable to brace himself for what he knew was coming.

Lance- in all his glory, came tumbling right into Keith and sent them both flying to the ground.

Lance- who touched him when no one else would.

 _Lance-_ who has shown him that he deserves more than what he tells himself, and _Lance-_ the love of his life that didn’t know it yet, but was about to find out.

” _Oof!-”_ Keith grunted at the impact.

”Keith! I’m so glad we made it through that! You did such an _amazing_ job out there!! Like seriously you- oh.. haha.. sorry I know you’re probably not used to hugging yet.”

Lance saw that Keith was shaking so he backed up a little and readjusted himself so that he was sitting with Keith in front of him and an arm wrapped around his waist. He sighed and put his head on Keith’s shoulder.

”No it’s fine, I mean... I’m okay, thanks for taking it slow.” 

Keith thought for a minute. Lance has been doing all of this for him, but what has he been doing for Lance?

_Does Lance even want to do this?_

_Does_ _he_ _even like me like that?_

He was pulled out of his thinking by another arm wrapping around his waist and the shuffling of Lance scooting closer behind him.

  
”Hey, I know that look... what’s wrong _mullet_?”

  
Lance emphasized that last word as he nuzzled his face into the back of Keith’s head and ruffled up his helmet hair even more. Keith shivered at this contact and was glad Lance couldn’t see the blush on his face. His scalp turned out to be his most sensitive spot.

  
” _Lance...?”_

_”Keeeeith.”_

Lance drew out his name playfully and Keith could feel his breath tickle against his neck.

Keith turned around so that he was facing Lance and held his hands in substitute for a hug. They looked at each other in a comfortable silence before Keith said something.

” _Lance...?”_

_”Mhmm?”_

_“...What are we?”_

Lance didn’t hesitate with his answer and absentmindedly rubbed circles on the back of Keith’s hand as he said it.

”Whatever you want us to be Keith...”

Keith stared back in silence again. He knew what he wanted, and he knew ~~what~~ _who_ he needed.

He let Lance’s hands go, much to his dismay, and slowly shuffled closer to him, holding his arms out by his sides but not touching him as if he were giving an air hug.

Keith also didn’t hesitate when he said it.

  
_”I want **you**.”_

Lance couldn’t hold back. He wasted no time in pulling Keith into his warm embrace. He wrapped his arms as tightly as possible around the boy he’s loved for so long.

Keith shook from both the touch and the overwhelming emotion he never thought he would feel. 

  
  


**_So this is love._ **

  
  


He could feel tears running down his face as every wall he built around himself came crashing down. His shoulder was wet, but Lance didn’t seem to care as he whispered words of reassurance into Keith’s ear and continued to rock them back and forth.

  
  
“ _I want you too, shhh, honey I want you too. I always wanted you.”_

  
  
After all the years of holding it in, Keith couldn’t stop crying. He didn’t have to run away from touch. He could be loved.  
  


**_I don’t have to get used to being alone anymore._ **

**_☻︎ ☻︎ ☻︎_ **

It was a peaceful evening. That means a lot to Keith whose only meaning of peaceful was training until he didn’t feel anything.

Keith was laying on top of Lance’s chest in his room they now shared. They were propped up on some pillows on his small but comfortable bed. In that moment, Keith was the most relaxed he’s ever been in his life.

he listened to Lance’s soft breathing as soft hands rubbed over his back. It had taken awhile, but Keith had finally grown accustomed to Lance’s touch. No longer shy, scared, and withdrawn, he leaned into his warmth without shaking or hesitating.

He’s learned how to initiate contact as well. Plenty of times he had casually laid his head on Lance’s shoulder or grabbed his hand while walking- something he could have only dreamed of before.

They even slept together. Lonely nights were now filled with Lance’s warmth and Keith has been more well rested than ever.

He enjoyed the cuddling more than _anything._

Lance made it his pride and joy to make sure that Keith was smothered with love and affection at all times. At meetings and on the couch, Lance was always clinging to him.

Keith was _drowning_ in Lance.

And the **_praise_**.

Lance never spared a second when it came to complimenting Keith or making him feel good about himself. He knew that Keith was never very easy on himself, but Lance believed in him so god damn much- he vowed that he would never let him be neglected in that way ever again.

Sure it made Keith flustered, but he could learn to live with that. Lance brought out a new light in him that he never saw in himself.

In the middle of Keith’s current blissful state, Lance shifted underneath him, causing him to scoot away a little bit as Lance shimmied down so that his face was now leveled with Keith’s.  
  


The sudden movement made Keith a little nervous- as he always gets now and then when he thinks Lance is gonna leave, but that worry quickly evaporated as Lance re-wrapped his arms around him and he felt safe again.

_“Hey..._ ” Lance spoke as he massaged Keith’s back

_”Mmmm”_

_”I want to tell you something... I feel like you should know.”_

Keith shuffled nervously and hoped Lance didn’t notice as all of his past fears came back. It was hard for him to take surprises sometimes, especially in the form of a serious talk.   
  


_“Yes Lance...”_ Keith looked up into Lance’s eyes and hoped it would soften the blow of whatever was coming.

**_” I love_ you.”**

Keith’s heart stopped right in it’s tracks. He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing.

_” Do you mean that?”_

Keith was choking back tears as he said this. Lance only held him tighter and kissed his face like he was the most precious thing in the world.   
  
  


_“Keith, of course I do. I’d never lie to you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ll never leave you, so you’d better get used to it darling.”_

Keith blushed a little at the nickname, but had never felt so calm yet riled up in his whole life. He relaxed into Lances firm hold, finally feeling able to let love into his life. Finally allowing Lance to claim his heart fully and unconditionally.   
  


_“I love you so much Lance..._

_**I’ll**_ **_never get used to you.”_ **

**_☻︎ ☻︎ ☻︎_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked this story. It’s my first one. I rushed a little at the end because I’m slow at writing and I waited until the last day before it would be deleted. I’m probably going to write somewhere else then paste it here from now on. I love fluff with a little bit of angst. I also love Klance. I’m not okay. Anyways, I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope y’all enjoyed it! <3


End file.
